'To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.'
CS Lewis
Forgiveness. It can push us to rage or weeping; to our foulest memories or our deepest fears. But sometimes, a sincere resolve to forgive someone is the best thing we can do for God – and ourselves.
Like anything of value, forgiveness can take a huge personal investment of time and perseverance.
For ex-Tearfund aid worker Lesley Bilinda, whose husband Charles was murdered in the Rwandan genocide of 1994, forgiving the men who killed him has been a process of many years. It’s been a journey that has taken her from Scotland to Rwanda and back, and from the sharpest pain to a place of peace.
Lesley's return to Rwanda proved a daunting final hurdle in a grieving process that has spanned more than a decade.
God used her experiences to change her and show her more of himself. ‘Charles' death caused me to believe that God had not answered my prayers. But by not seeing my prayers answered I was beginning to enter into the agony God was experiencing over violence committed everywhere. I had the greater privilege – of entering a tiny bit into the suffering heart of God.’
Lesley continues, ‘I used to say “Why?” I never will know why – it’s a question of “What next?” As a Christian I’m not immune to suffering. Our choice is what we do with it. Do we use it for God’s glory and use it to get closer to God or do we fight against it?’
God honours our faithfulness. The forgiveness he asks us to exercise brings healing and we are healed by choosing not to avenge our aggressors; we are released from our anger and pain by choosing to release them from our hatred.
‘Some of the people I met have really restored my faith in humanity and God.’
Lesley Bilinda
Jesus, who loves us, advocates forgiveness. (`How many times shall I forgive my brother? Seven times?’ asks Peter in Matthew 18:21-22. Jesus replies, ‘Seventy seven times.’) Why? Not least because it’s good for the heart. Desmond Tutu describes forgiveness as ‘the best form of self-interest’.
Think Psalm 23, ‘The Lord is my shepherd’: the Valley of the Shadow of Death doesn’t sound like a small place. Forgiveness might be a direction we have to choose for months, or years; trusting – trusting – that we will arrive at God’s blessings of peace and healing.
Writer: Abigail Frymann