Tearfund | 23 May 2016
It’s that most wonderful time of the year; chock full of Christian festivals and Bible weeks. The lineups may change, but some things are common to all Christian outdoor gatherings. So, along with your Bible and SPF80, make sure you pack a copy of Tearfund’s very own Christian Festival I Spy. Spot any of the following on your travels and you win points. And points mean prizes (though not from us).
A pair of Jesus sandals (and Sports Direct socks)
Let’s face it, there will be someone rocking this look everywhere you turn; it is, after all, a festival. We yearn for the warmer weather so pack our most summery shoes, but this is England so cue the most Christian of sartorial compromises. (Two points a pair)
Onesie practice (Note sudden absence of anyone else nearby...)
Festivals coincide with a break in A levels, GCSEs and any general sense of responsibility. So what better time to dispense with the laws of fashion and pretend you are an extra from The Angry Birds Movie. Onesies are, quite simply, the comfiest things ever invented, so we hold no judgement – and if it’s good enough for Nick Clegg. Let’s be honest, if we could all get away with living in a onesie (dressed as a giraffe), we would. (One point – Three points for Minion onesies)
An ultimate frisbee tackle, administered in 'Christian love'
Science fact: wherever two or more Christians are gathered together (outdoors) there will be a frisbee. Don’t take Christianity’s reputation as a religion of peace fool you; Christian ultimate frisbee is far more Old Testament than Sermon on the Mount. Let the routing begin. (One point)
'It's four o'clock in the morning!!' – how to tell the time with an acoustic guitar. (Pic courtesy Jeff Meyer, Flikr)
Usually with a guitar and pointless bongos. They’ll be singing or just jeering loudly into the early hours. You may grumble about the fact it is 3am. But admit it, you’re just jealous that you can’t go on another gap year. (Pointless)
Two teens sample forbidden fruits of fried chicken nugget – yuuuum. (pic courtesy Mike Baird, Flikr)
Keeping an entire youth group in tow can be a struggle, so there are inevitably a few that make a break for it, seeking the ‘real festival’ sights and sounds. It’s often their first time off the leash, so be cautious and don’t attempt to feed them or make eye contact. Contact the park ranger at once and wind up your car windows. (Two points)
'Our tent is direct left after the third inflatable seahorse and the second meerkat... you can't miss it!'
It makes sense for to put up a flag so friends can find you amongst the chaos of the tented city. But anyone who has tried to find their tent at 3am will attest to the number of flying carp windsocks and inflatable bananas on sticks there are. (Carp: one point, inflatable Matt Redman: 15 points)
Festival-goer does the decent thing and signs on the dotted line...
There’s always one charity bouncing around like Tigger, asking you to sign up. And yes, it is often us. But trust me, it’s worth having a chat with them. You’d be hard pushed to come across a group of more enthusiastic and passionate people. They have a heart for God, a heart for justice, and they’re doing it for free! Now don’t you feel ashamed for giving them the slip last year? (20 points… if you sign up)
A hot chocolate mountain, without marshmallows for some reason.
One of the best parts of a Christian festival is, of course, the cafe – especially when it’s run by (coughs) Tearfund. It’s the place to pick up our famous hot chocolate mountain, chill out with the after hours musical programme, or simply unwind. Chocolate, marshmallows, and cream, what more could you ask for? (No points, you know where to find ‘em)
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