Valerie in Central African Republic: becoming a Strong Woman

Then and now: loss upon loss

‘When my husband was alive, I used to rent a field to farm. I would tend my crops early in the morning and be back by noon to take what I had grown to the market. Then, my husband made a little table for me to sell things from just outside our house instead, so I could stay near the children. But, after he died, I couldn't do that anymore, so I had to find other ways to make money.

‘Things got really tough. I sold a traditional drink, but it wasn't enough. My small business couldn't cover rent, food, soap and my children's hospital bills. My five older children had to go and live with friends and I lived in a one-bedroom house with the two youngest ones.

‘Eventually, I couldn't afford even that.

‘My landlord told us to leave, saying we couldn't stay for free.

‘Lionnel was only two, and Frederick was one and a half when my husband died. It broke my heart because we had so many plans for them, and suddenly, everything was gone.

‘Even now, thinking about it makes me cry. I worry about how my children will manage in life and what will become of them.

‘How will I pay for their school fees? Will they get a good education? Will they find good jobs? Will God give me the strength to work hard and provide a house for them? These are the questions I keep asking myself, but I keep praying.’

I stopped my own schooling after primary, just before my national exams. I was living with my aunt at the time and she told me to give up after I didn’t pass three exams. So, I focused on farming instead, which was a mistake.

‘My mother was angry, so she sent me to Bangui, where I hoped she would pay for me to go back to school, but sadly, she died soon after and I never went back to school. I still made a small income doing odd jobs, and I got married.

‘I can write my name and read a little Sango, but French is hard for me. I also have eye problems, so reading for long periods or seeing clearly in the sun is difficult. If I had the money, I'd go to the local hospital.

Hopes like Jonah

‘When he was alive, my husband worked hard to provide us with food, to pay school fees and buy Christmas presents. He would always buy the children clothes. On Sundays, he would take us all to church and we would go and come back together. Then we would be free to do other things.

‘Now, I live in a small room with my two children in the house of one of the ladies from the church.

‘My two boys and I help the family we live with, with chores and farming. They share their food with us, and we cook and eat together. My children and I help with cleaning to show our thanks.

‘When I am able to earn a little money, I grow cassava. We sell the cassava, and use the money for food.

‘We also gather wood, which my children then sell.

‘With so many people in the house, my children are always being sent on errands. And one of the biggest problems my children have is that if one is sent on an errand during lunch or dinner, their food isn't saved for them. Then, the child will go to bed hungry.

‘When I notice one of my children isn't at the table, I lose my appetite but can't show my anger. So, we just eat.

‘When one of my children is tired after many errands and refuses to go again, that also becomes a problem. They start complaining, and I stay quiet. These are difficult situations that I always pray to God to get me out of.

‘I look at my life and my children's lives, wondering if I'll succeed or even live to see them do well. But I hope God will remember me, just like Jonah.

‘I love remembering how my children were when their dad was alive. They were happy, well-fed, and played with their dad, who told them stories.

‘Now, people yell at them.

‘They are afraid because they know where they live isn't their own.

‘I keep praying because I know that nothing is bigger than God.’

Becoming a Strong Woman

‘Before joining the Strong Women group, I was always angry, and I worried all the time.

‘One day, on my way to get breakfast, I saw a lively group of women entering Maman Melanie's home. They were full of laughter and shouts. I was curious and I asked what was happening. I was told it was a women's association with many activities like discussions, savings, loans and other activities.

‘I told myself, this is good, this is what I need to be a part of. When I tried to save on my own, even a small amount, if a child was sick, it would quickly use it all up. But, by joining this group, I knew I could save regularly, even if it was just a little bit each day.

‘The very next day, I asked Melanie about joining. After talking to the group, she welcomed me. That’s how my journey with the Strong Women group began.

‘At first, we just focused on saving and loans. But then we ran into money troubles, so we decided to share our money and start small businesses.

‘Unfortunately, people didn't buy much, and we lost our investment. I also had to spend my money on one of my children’s hospital bills when he had a bad fever, and I came home with nothing. Now, we're really eager to find new ways to earn.

‘But if Melanie hadn't helped, my child's sickness could have been deadly, because we had nowhere else to turn. My child is alive today thanks to the group, they helped me pay the bill. I feel like I belong and that I have power now.

‘I feel amazing’

‘I feel amazing when I'm with these women. Before, I was alone and had a lot of negative thoughts. The moment I joined them, everything changed. Hearing good advice from their training has opened up so many opportunities for me, thanks to God. I feel joyful now and no longer alone.

‘Every Saturday, we meet at a different place. We clean someone's house, and if we do a good job, we get paid. Afterward, we have our weekly meeting.

‘People admire how united and supportive we are to each other. Working together in the group is very important. We are like sisters, looking after each other. In our meetings, we pray, discuss and plan together. We love and care for each other deeply. We learn and grow together.

‘Through the group, we've learned many skills, like making soap and sewing. Maman Melanie guides us through these activities. For example, at one meeting, we made traditional soap to clean and heal skin problems.

‘We'll also learn sewing techniques to set up small businesses. Melanie stresses that everyone should use their savings and loans to create savings that last, not just for everyday expenses. We try to think long-term about how to use our money before it runs out. This advice has made me think and encouraged me to consider what I'll do next if I get more money.

‘During our meetings, we hear inspiring stories from those who have started different businesses. And as Strong Women, everyone works hard to make a living and build strong family homes.’

‘Maman Melanie's wisdom and encouragement have been so important all along. She gives so much good advice; we could talk about it all night. Sometimes, we have to ask her to pause during meetings because we have children to take care of. She strongly encourages young girls to focus on their studies.

‘Melanie encourages us to take care of our homes. She doesn't want to hear about women fighting with their husbands or neglecting their homes. She wants to be proud of us as Strong Women. We should be good examples in our homes before we go out into the community. She teaches us that real harmony and love mean living well with our children, teaching them to pray and follow God's ways, so they will love and respect us as mothers.

‘My faith is deeply connected to my experience with the women's group. Being part of this group allows me to work together with my fellow women. As women, we are strong, and even stronger together!

‘People in the community recognise and appreciate who we are and what we stand for.’

‘I'm full of strength and happiness now, and I’m not sad.’

‘How I take care of my children and our lives will keep improving because of what I've learned from the group. I'm sure my family will do well thanks to the advice, training and skills I've gained.

‘I suggested to a mother who was in a similar situation to mine to join the group, and she agreed. She saw the positive changes in me compared to how I used to be, noticing I looked healthier. I told her it was the benefits of the group that made me who I am now, and she was convinced. I also share this advice with other mothers.’

‘Joining this group has brought so many good things. We sing, we study God's word with joy, and my shyness and loneliness have gone.

‘I'm full of strength and happiness now, and I’m not sad.’

If you would like to help more women like Valerie, through things like providing training that has the power to ignite transformation in whole communities, please give here.

For some encouraging information on the impact of this kind of work, read more here.